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Who Comes for Help?
One of the most common reason couples in my area are coming to my clinic for counseling or coaching right now is financial. This is not new in the sense that financial crises always cause stress, and can break couples apart if they're not able to communicate well with each other about the issue. What is different is that so many are facing such serious financial crises. People who have been fiscally responsible are now finding that the housing crunch is causing their budgets to fall apart. They may have over-invested during the real estate boom, or they may have moved to Florida at just the wrong time. Those people find themselves in homes worth sometimes 1/3 or 2/3 less than what they paid for them a year or two ago. How can you help your relationship if you find yourself in a financial crisis? First, let's back up a bit. Everyone should develop a budget and follow it. No matter how tight it is, put a little away in savings - even a dollar a week, or all your change as you get it. If you belong to a church community, your pledge (again, however small) should be regarded as a commitment you always keep. Keeping these two steps in mind will help you develop two habits: the habit of saving, and the habit of talking about your budget with someone you trust. Which leads to the second issue: when you become a couple, be sure you talk through how you each think about saving and spending money. Develop financial goals together, and make agreements about any adjustments you need to make in your former habits. This will help prevent misunderstandings later. If you notice a problem - the budget isn't working - talk about it with your partner. If you made a mistake in your bookkeeping, couldn't resist that item that blew the budget, or had an unexpected expense (dental work, car repair, etc.) - talk with your partner about how to get back on track. If something about your relationship is causing you to soothe yourself by spending money (women and men do this!), tell your partner as soon as you recognize it so you can be on the path to both relational and financial health again. The common link is: Talk! But how you talk is crucial. There's no room for accusations and blame; although accountability is appropriate to offer and ask for. Make sure you listen to your partner, check out what you understand is being said, and let your partner know you have empathy for the situation and appreciate being able to talk about it openly. Then, take action. Get the financial or relationship help you need, and rejoice in getting back on target for meeting your goals!
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Contributor's Note
Simple steps for communicating about financial issues.
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