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The Social Effects of Modesty
By Melissa Miller
Through my training and experience as a psychotherapist, I’ve learned that the general principles that follow are universal if understood within the context of what’s customary for a given culture. I’ve also seen the effects on girls of poor choices made for them by others, which they begin to make for themselves because they don’t know any better. The effects range from little damage to a great deal of damage – often in the form of unwanted attention and a low sense of self-worth. What are the social effects of modesty on a little girl…a teenager…a young woman… and older woman?
This appears to be something young Mothers don’t think too much about, and yet it’s a very important part of developing from a little girl into healthy woman. For some parents it’s cute to think about their tiny daughters – 2 or 3 years old – in string bikinis, skirts that don’t cover their diapers, and shiny, slinky cropped tops. “What could be wrong with that?,” these Moms ask. And then at 5, when the little girl and her Mom are out buying school clothes for Kindergarten – do they buy the trendy styles, attention-grabbing colors, uncomfortable but stylish (and expensive) shoes, and so on? When can she wear make-up, stockings, high heels, a bra? This little girl may become a pre-adolescent and teenager who makes her parents tear their hair out over the clothing and accessory choices she makes! Tight, revealing, slinky, suggestive –and she may not even realize it herself. As she has to fend off initially unwelcome attention at a young age, her behavior is likely to deteriorate, her grades fall, and her social habits become questionable. All because of clothes? Well, no, not exactly. However, we begin making decisions about ourselves based on the responses we get from others, and a young girl dressed provocatively will get certain types of responses, ranging from “Isn’t she cute?” to a derisive, “What was her mother thinking, letting her out of the house looking like that?!” By age 12 or 14, Mom has little control – and Dad, often less. A girl gets her initial sense of self from a variety of places – her family, friends, television, the movies, advertising. If she doesn’t fit the “type” she may begin to think having the “right” outfit will help – and begin to beg for the latest styles. Instead of giving in, help your daughter discover how to develop her own sense of self, based on healthy, modest role models. Choose a variety of clothes she can mix and match, and help her choose clothes priced within your realistic budget. Think ahead to age 10, 12, 16, 18 – if you want her to present herself in age appropriate ways then, start dressing her in age-appropriate equivalents as a little girl. Leave room for cultural traditions and habits, and then plan for modesty. What’s the benefit of planning for modesty? By doing so we can assure ourselves of raising healthy little girls who know how to get self esteem from the choices they make, rather than the ones their culture pushes on them. These girls will have self-confidence and decision making competence beyond those of their peers, and will tend to excel in all areas of life to the best of their ability. What’s on the inside is reflected on the outside – and often the reverse is true, also. Be intentional – choose wisely for your child when she’s young, then help her when she’s a little older, and release her when she’s confident – you and she will both benefit!
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As a mother of four daughters I couldn't agree more. I hate to see little girls dressed as mini teens, its not cute at all.If you actually ask your littel girl what they really want to wear most parents would be surprised.My two seven year old girls did just that this christmas day, one chose to wear a vintage style dress from monsoon covered in sequins and beads and her sister a dalmation costume!
Let them enjoy thier childhood.
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
I so appreciate the good modeling you're providing for your daughters, not only in dress but in decisionmaking! :) And thank you for commenting on my article - I appreciate the feedback.
Melissa
The copyright for this content entitled "The Social Effects of Modesty" has been specified by the contributor as:
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This content may be copied and distributed (but not modified), as long as a) it's for non-commercial use and b) the original author is acknowledged with a link back to the content page.
If you use this content according to the license specified, you must link to the following URL:
http://liss.qondio.com/
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